Friday, March 14, 2008

A Wild Hare -- the Beginning

Greetings, ladies and germs,

Forgive me for not opening with my catchphrase, "What's up, Doc?" But, to tell ya the truth, if I have to say that line one more time I'm gonna spit up carrot chunks. That line hasn't gotten a laugh since '48, but everyone still expects me to use it. Well, no more. Take it behind the barn and put it out of its misery. It's finished. I need a new catch phrase. And I'm working on it. If you have any suggestions that are actually funny, toss 'em my way.

So, what the heck am I doing here?

Let's start over.

Ehhhhhh, What's up -- Stocks? Not Time-Warner's stock.

(I'll keep working on the new catchphrase.)

Anyway, the thing is, I've been encouraged (by others who shall remain nameless) to share a few memories, some thoughts and suggestions, a few insights and a few insults with the woild in one of these here blogs. So this is it.

And that's what the heck I'm doing here.

At this point, I can't tell ya how often I'll sit down here and peck away at the keyboard. It's tough to type wearing gloves. But whenever something worth sharing comes to mind, or whenever something really gets my goat, I'll chime in. Or not.

Currently, a number of things have been bugging me. I guess we can call this here section...

What's Bugging Bugs:
  • The non-existent roles being offered to me by the Warner execs. I'm lucky if they toss me a cameo in a Tyson's TV Dinner commercial. It's an insult.

  • The lousy corporate logo gig they've stuck me with. Somebody make it stop. They have me wear a penguin suit, I step out from behind the shield, act like I care, take a bite of the carrot and BAM! I'm done. Call the driver. Where's my check? I'm back in Malibu before Letterman comes on. My career has come to this?

  • The painful politically correct cartoons that are all over the dial. Most of 'em make my eyes hurt, my ears ache, and my pitching arm fling a crowbar at the flatscreen.

  • The suits keep talking to me about making new cartoons, teaming me up again with Elmer, with Sam, with Marvin. Gimme a break. How many of those have we already made? Been there, done that. And everyone's seen 'em -- a thousand times! If I have to face off with Elmer Fudd one more time, I'll quit the biz for good and move to Temecula. Same goes for Sam and Marvin. I'm sick of carrying those stooges. I need to do something new. I need a new challenge, with new maroons to bamboozle. Not the same old shmoes.

  • I've been reading all these blogs about how great my classic cartoons were. Yeah, they were great, if I do say so myself. I had great directors and artists. Funny stuff. But I wish all these clever and creative artistic type bloggers would quit spending all their time talking about how great the old ones were. Instead, I say, let's start spending time making some great new ones!

  • If Warners doesn't line up a good role for me in the next six months, I'm breaking my contract.

That's all I have time for now. I gotta meet up with Tiger at Lakeside. We like to heckle the golfers as they approach the 18th green.